Not all of us have the natural ability with the ways of words or have that calmness and confidence while speaking to others they feel at ease to comply or simply listen. And NO I'm not talking about "sales talk", this is simply about HOW we go about communicating with people.
On a daily, being wound up with work or on a current task we hardly notice sometimes our manner of communication that we just go about blurting words expecting our thoughts and ideas to get through and understood automatically. Not everyone takes to words or responds the way you want them to. To others you could be perceived as barking off orders left and right. If we don't think about how we say things our words could possibly come out unpleasant, abrasive or disrespectful. And the truth is we just aren't aware most of the time nor do we put much thought into it. This is where relationships come into play, how well we know the person to be able to adjust - whether he or she is a coworker or long time colleague we can never be too sure how words affects them, family members, friends or acquaintances; it is important to be sensitive to that other person. Now do not think that communication means accommodating the other person, while you have that thought in mind think about this - How would you like to be spoken to? What if you were at the receiving end and have negative feelings about how someone talked to you? Not so pleasant right? One thing to keep in mind when at the work place is when someone is talking to you in a not so nice way, think for a moment that maybe he or she is overwhelmed or troubled by others things right now like deadlines, projects, extreme multi tasking...etc. They unintentionally come across as harsh and it will show in words or in the manner of how they talk. From both sides of this coin there is a lesson to learn ---
Think before you talk...
- Making conscious effort to think through your words especially when you're emotional could help diffuse the way you approach someone. Move a step further to foresee what the outcome would be if you went head on with what you wanted to say. Do you want that outcome? You can probably guess it will just create a chain of more words and in the end people get hurt.
- Thinking through you words before saying them helps you with your choice of words too. That doesn't mean sugar coating but saying less but more effective words. What's most important is being respectful - even when the other person isn't ... (sigh)... I know. But it's the RIGHT thing, right! (^_^)b
- Mirroring your words in your head and tossing out the "not so pleasant" ones makes you a smart person. If you went ahead and engaged in a verbal dispute it will be a battle of out witting one another and that just looks so ... well...STUPID.
Let's turn the table and say that you are at the receiving end, how would you go about responding?
While people will say things to prove you wrong, judge and disrespect you, it is so tempting to defend your ground right? I know this feeling and it freakin' hurts! Some of us feel so put down that we don't want to deal with the confrontation at all and ignore OR because of our culture and rearing we choose to not respond out of respect even when we've been stepped on. But I've learned that letting things happen isn't the solution, in fact the other person tends to take the advantage and becomes persistent with the way they communicate with you. If anything, it makes it worse. My bad experiences taught me to just go up to that person with a calm mind and be truthful to them and say:
"you know what you said to me on.... about ... really hurt. I would assume if you were told the same you wouldn't like it neither but I'm letting you know that's how you made me feel. I'd rather be upfront and resolve this situation as adults or professionals"
... well something along these lines and then simply walk away. Now if the other person felt intimidated (which was clearly not your intention) or has so much anger in their heart that they retaliate with more words, let them be... seriously. Let them throw a fit and embarrass themselves while you stayed Cool, Calm and Collected. Maybe this is why people who meditate are so unfazed by people's drama it is because they've trained their minds to be and remain calm in the moment.
It is no different when dealing with family and friends, no matter how well you know the person, you could never be too sure of their reaction to words when they are having a rough day or are stuck in a rut. It is always good to be mindful of people around you. I could yell at my kids the whole day repeatedly for them to wash the dishes but if I don't know what's keeping them from obeying me right that second, they will not do what I need them to do.
Example:
Most days I call out to my kids at the bottom of the stairs for them to do their share of house chores. In my mind I already know they are on the computers probably playing online games or watching movies. Also in my mind, they probably don't want to do the work, are probably ignoring me and are probably pretending to do homework. As a working mom it bugs the heck out of me when I don't get the help I need from my kids. After a minute of waiting I will then go upstairs to each of them and check on what they're doing. At this point (whatever their reason for delay) I'd give them a dead time or "time's up!" for them to finish or continue what they're doing so that they could move onto their other responsibilities. In this way they know I am not taking away plus demanding from them, but instead being mindful of what they are in the middle of and reminding them of their obligations with good reason. If at the moment one kid cannot accomplish a task then there is always room to compromise, it is about maintaining openness and flexibility, and so far so good!
~ MORALE ~
APPROACH and COMMUNIATION work hand in hand. Take every opportunity to provide example for others that respectful communication is creating effective relationships. When you are approached and spoken to in a pleasant manner and with good intentions it brings about better understanding and willingness.
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